I'm reading a book at the moment: The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide. Sounds riveting in a somewhat self pitying- self help book kind of way. It gives you all the information you'll need to get someone close to you to understand your way of living with da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaa............... a mental illness.
As much as I hate the term, the label somewhat helps people to understand what they are dealing with.
Crying over spilt milk......
If you spill milk you probably curse and dab it up, annoyed with yourself but accepting the mistake as human error. Mistakes are part of real and normal life and occur as natural accidents, and you accept these.
I find it hard to do this. If I spill milk or break something, often my reaction is not as you might predict. If I drop a glass, smash a mirror or break something fragile while I'm patiently trying to put it together I completely cave. its like this volcano inside me erupts and liquid anger spews out of my head, my face, my mouth. Its like something I can't control, its this hatred I have for the moment. Maybe not the actual act of dropping or breaking but the fact that in that moment of losing control of anger I have lost control enough to let something break.
It sounds so trivial, but at that time, in that moment, thats the only thing that matters.
And then I'm completely engulfed by that sickness.
A coma might feel better, better than this.........
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